10+ Years Later Living with Bulimia
My friend “Bee”
At one point in my life, I personified my eating disorder, affectionately naming it “Bee”. Bee and I became frequent friends although codependency was what kept us united. As the years went by and it became blatantly clear to me that Bee and I would have to depart to live a full life, I began to work on severing the tye. The truth is that I became very aware of the long-term effects. From the 20 days after each purge to the bloating and explainable Adema., Something had to be done.
Here I am, 30 years old and I still live with bulimia. Not in the sense of actively participating in this disorder. In the sense that, I live with its consequences. I was very briefly on blogs and forums that there would be some long-term effects of having a prolong eating disorder. However, I did not know the stent. Around the age of 27, I begin to notice certain things about my body that were changing. Mostly around my oral area. I begin to have very bad breath. It was a barrier for me networking, building relationships, and even entering into romantic relationships. It became a problem in my relationship. I did not know if I had halitosis, I even checked with the dentist who said no. But what I did have is extreme tooth decay. And in an ability to keep bacteria from my tongue. Now, I am 30 and I have had to have two Oral surgeries, three implants to replace my teeth, and many more. I currently have a shadow tooth and growing cavities. My teeth and mouth are a wreck. Every day, I have to take a minimum of 78 ibuprofen to survive without severe pain. My dental insurance will not kick in for another year for me to have major procedures. It is a mess. I also have to carry around toothbrushes and toothpaste with me everywhere I go.
The most ironic caveat about carting around a toothbrush is that I used to carry a toothbrush for other motivations previously.
There are permanent scars and acne around the orifice of my mouth. It is a mess. I don’t like it. I am still living with this disorder.
My bloating is irregular. I am still living with this disorder.
I have regular heartburn and what feels like scars on my throat or esophagus. I am still living with this disorder.
My cuticles have never grown back properly. I'm still living with this disorder.
My cheeks are sunken due to the missing teeth as well as the permanent bags under my eyes from the swelling and puffiness of purging. I am still living with this disorder
In it For the Long Haul
5 percent of the US female population and 0.5 percent of the male population has experienced bulimia in their lifetimes. (source) I am one. I am curious how these numbers would show up for those living with the effects of bulimia. My life has been forever altered and I pay financially and physically daily for the causes of my actions. This is not a party for pity. This is an acknowledgment of the long-term and lifelong relationship I will have with this disorder. Although I am not faced with the same challenges, I still deal with these fixed daily. My experience is a warning that coping with the things that we want to get rid of in a healthy way is the best way to a fully realized life. If I had to change one thing about my friendship with “Bee” , I would have suggested to myself to seek a therapist, first.
