The Familiar Guilt of a Black Woman Enjoying Life in the Wake of Black Lives Matter
On May 20th, I booked a flight to the United Kingdom. I had no premonition that 5 days later, another lynching would take place. George Floyd’s murder as the knee of an officer is the impetus for the second wave of the Black Lives Matter movement. The United States erupted and protests across the nation spread. Organizers and activists flood into the streets despite the risk of contracting coronavirus to make reasonable societal change. Within days, the world has been in an uproar and screaming about the injustices in the American justice system.
While my peers and fellow citizens were marching in the streets and organizing, I was packing and throwing my things away and taking a cross country road trip. I am a black woman who is vocal about feminism and African American rights. I have truly struggled to be still at the moment.
On the surface, it seems like I am running away from America and all the drama that comes with it in 2020. The voices of the movement are not apparent but the food soldiers and planners are women who look and think as I do.
On the flight to the United Kingdom, a pang of extreme guilt hit me like a wind. Thoughts such as; How dare I leave my brothers and sisters in the middle of a fight? Did I owe it to my ancestors to stay and fight? My resources should be used for the people. As a Black woman who says she cares, how does this trip contribute to reformation in the United States?
The thoughts went on and on for hours. This guilt is very familiar. black women are the “backbone” in our community. During the Civil Rights movement, the foot soldiers and brains behind the operations were black women. We have been conditioned in each generational to care for everyone and be the voice for the community. There is no shock that I feel the weight of my people. I have to remind myself that the results of racism are not mine. My blackness does not have to carry the weight of the movement. Activism is not always physical. Activism can be using my voice and remaining resources to contribute to the movement. It is also being involved with the movement in this country. Black people face injustices in just about every country on this planet.
Black people existing in a world that does not allow us to exist freely is activism. I have the audacity to do something that will bring me happiness, there should be no guilt in that. Despite what the expectation is for me, I decide to be a voice for myself and my people. That does not mean I do not care or that I have lost the proverbial “black card”. It means that my activism lies in my audacity to live and smile despite all of it.
Black Lives Still Matter
The lives of black women are precious and worthy of protection.
