If I Get Stuck Abroad Again, I’m Not Coming Back to the United States.

I am in the UK again. The surge is rising again. This is déjà vu of June 2020. I have resolved with myself that if I get stuck here again, I'm not coming back. Last year, I was stuck in the UK for eight months. I was not able to catch a flight that did not cancel. Finally, in February, I made it back to the United States. The year was excellent and horrible at the same time.

I have barely survived in the United States. The economy, society, and social structure in the United States is not built for someone like me, a queer black woman in her 30s, to succeed. If I am stuck here, this just may be it for me. After coming back in February, I worked diligently to rebuild myself. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but I did it. Still, I am not able to see an end in sight that allows me to thrive in that society. Without the presence of slightly morally inept scams and businesses, the United States is a sham.

Of course, the United States has not been completely terrible. It is where I was raised. My ancestors were brought to the shores of this country. I have so many heritage ties in the United States. There are many beautiful things about being a person of color in the United States. But, at the point where I see my mental health being the determining factor in my survival, I am not sure how much more I can take. From the poisonous food to the zero days of maternity leave, how will I survive? The life expectancy for a black person in America is the lowest of all ethnic groups. Still, we continue to strive as an example that grants global recognition.

My wife is not a social experiment or a cultural study. I want to live and thrive. The United Kingdom is not the greatest place for Black people either. However, it provides some social buffers that are not available to me in the United States. Although I have paid for healthcare for over two years, I am not able to see a doctor without exorbitant fees or receive medical procedures without questioning crippling debt.

Life or Debt. I want no more of it.